third blog in succession!
finally, after a long while of deliberation and all those busy busy shit.
having a blog is good,
because you get to vent everything you ever wanted to say
and because i know no one will read my blog,
perhaps for the exception of my dearest girlfriend,
i know my vents will be vented at no audience in particular.
and that's good.

i know i used to blog at my previous blogs for an audience.
i blogged, because i want people to read.
come on, admit it everyone does that.
but now its a different thing.
because im no longer blogging for the sake of letting people read.
because seriously if you hate me, or you dont read my blog,
i dont really.. give a shit.
and i would rather forget that i owned the previous two blogs i had.

i would most probably link up my old guestbook,
since the links part look terribly pathetic.
and unless i can get a nice kind soul to do me a template,
it would probably hang on like this for a long time to come.
because i suck at html.

and have i ever said?
i hate crying every single day of my life.
i went through that and i dont want to go through the same old shit again.
i am human and everyone has a limit to certain things.
i am not strong, i am weak.
and i have to admit, im terribly weak.
i dont like the feeling of crying myself to bed everynight,
and wake up in the morning crying again.
i never did cry infront of my girlfriend before,
but if this carries on and on,
sooner or later i will.
because i'll be breaking down everywhere i go.
and i dont want to cry infront of her,
because i dont want her to see me like this.

i decided to finally eat my first meal for the day,
at four pm.

and when i walked out of my study room to get my chopsticks,
i saw my mom setting up the christmas tree by herself.
and when i saw that i can't help crying all over again.
because its a tradition that at this point of the year every year,
i'll be setting up the christmas tree with my mom.

what is christmas this year, really.
where will i be?
after all the family gathering function.
sad at home?
or happy out with my girlfriend?